Category Archives: life

Three Little Words

Three Little Words

Today was one such dayi-am-sorry

When all it would have taken was three little words.

Just three.

Not those words

Rather the ones that build bridges.

Powerful enough to dilute and dissolve

almost every situation.

It doesn’t take much.

But people don’t

Or won’t

Or can’t admit

They are wrong.

 

It costs nothing.

And it works.

Why not apologise?

I don’t get it.

How three words

I AM SORRY

Are so hard

 

The Truth rankles

It doesn’t let us off the hook.

It shows our failings.

Temporarily we lose our crowns

Truth makes us uneasy

And yet.

Those three little words.

I AM SORRY.

Can say so much.

 

Blowing Hot and Cold

So the weather has caught most of Ireland on the hop. More accurately, caused much absenteeism. Colds, flu, all manner of infections going around. It seems much of Ireland’s workforce are battling against some unidentified force. Ahh, is it Januaryitis perhaps? or should we take a more practical view and say with a ‘see-saw’ of such changeable weather, we mere mortals are developing low resistance to cope with the dilemma of what to wear, what to eat, how to look after ourselves to build up our own immune systems? Surely, with all we have available to support ourselves, have we just lost the ability to use our common sense?!  Now I’m not proposing we all dash into the Irish Sea with such a cold wind chill, but maybe just getting out there helps clear the head, focus the mind.IMG_0371The more serious health issues, granted we cannot always avoid as life as we know is pretty much a lottery, but colds, coughs, come on….Joking aside. It’s the time of year to make sure we get outside. Take in the brightness of the blue skies on days they dazzle. That dose of Vitamin D is liquid gold. Off out now..maybe not with my togs today…!

Emotions, Logic & Breakfast

Strangely I’m stumbling over so many of my own emotions at the moment. After 9 nights, five different abodes my emotions are heightened beyond belief.

Is this an ‘age’ thing? Is it that the planets have been seemingly in disarray of late? Is it simply that with the start of a new year, one during which I feel instinctively many good things will finally eventuate I know what is really driving me?

the rosie project

‘The Rosie Project‘ leapt out of the latest pile of books I quietly brought home from one my local charity shops.  It is an easy read, enlightening, simultaneously funny and yet poignant.  In my mind, it is a brilliant book. I have devoured it.  Laughed out loud on many occasions.  Been touched by the underlying humanity of it.  Gained insights into the mindset of Aspergers. I’ve related to thoughts expressed in it, recognized my own idiosyncratic ways in the emotions the characters express.  It is a book I’d highly recommend. Emotions drive us.  More specifically, they drive me.  When I stop and consciously ignore my emotions, that’s when I make poor, even bad decisions. This book reminded me just how important they are. Graeme Simsion thank you!

Emotions have their own logic

 

Perhaps my favourite line in the book.

 

Talking of emotions in the workplace

join me and the good Dr. Clancy

for breakfast 

January 2017 Event Logo

Dublin: 18th January 2016 

 

places limited. booking advisable.

Venue: Bank of Ireland Enterprise Lounge

Montrose, Dublin.

A Much More Than Words Breakfast Event

 

 

Listen – Silent

 

This blog post by Dr. Annette Clancy, our keynote speaker for Much More than Words breakfast event on January 18th caught my eye..

.. Many words will be written on the wind and the sand, or end up in some obscure digital vault. But the storytelling will go on until the last human being stops listening. Then we can send the great chronicle of humanity out into the endless universe.

Who knows? Maybe someone is out there, willing to listen … extract from Dr. Annette Clancy’s blog

Is it really a coincidence that both words in this blog post headline contain the same letters? I think not !

click here for details and to book your place

the organisation as an ’emotional arena’

January 2017 Event Logo

 

Click to contact the Organiser – Janie Lazar

One night, two Poles

Conversations can start up just about anywhere and no better place than at airports.  Recently before flying back from London, as I was having coffee I found myself chatting with a lovely Polish firefighter from Kent on his way home for the New Year. He’d lived in the UK for some 12 years plus and after the topical chit-chat around what Brexit would mean for him, I asked him about his work. The conversation moved on to whilst most of the work was straightforward dealing with relatively minor events, the more dangerous and tragic the incidents he and his crew dealt with, the greater the emotional impact.  I sensed that as with most types of trauma, there is a sense of loss, futility and disappointment which builds up and felt immensely sad that these feelings lingered long afterwards and wondered how these brave firefighters dealt with their emotions. Inevitably and true to stereotype, most men he said, would bottle up their feelings and inevitably something quite trivial would act as a catalyst and ‘boom’ the built up feelings would explode, out of context and often out of control.  Never dealt with.  I felt fortunate to talk with this man, to have had the opportunity of going behind the capable, brave masks people like him have to wear day after day in providing such an invaluable public service. Before we parted company, we went on to talk about the excitement of being with family and friends to celebrate the coming New Year and all that is joyous in life too. A few coffees later as I left for my flight, my resolve to raise awareness of the need to deal with emotions in the workplace was ever stronger. Most certainly, we need to keep pushing this issue to the fore-front, rather than ‘under the carpet’ as it is indeed a bigger conversation, one Much More Than Words will be highlighting in a couple of weeks time and we’d like you to be part of.

Click for details of our January 18th Dublin event, featuring Dr. Annette Clancy as she shares invaluable insights talking on  The organisation as ‘an emotional arena’

The second conversation was a brief one with the Ryanair flight attendant, who provided endless entertainment to weary and extremely unresponsive passengers.  He looked Irish, had a real ‘country’ accent, was both funny and fluent.  Yet something in his accent told me otherwise.  Another Pole !  A Polish man with a big heart, resilient and sense of humour. Welcome and Safe Journey home.  How are you, I asked. With the biggest warmest smile ‘Living the Dream, living the dream’. He made me laugh as we talked, another side of the human roller-coaster of emotions.  Ryanair often get slagged for all sorts of things, but I have to say, not only has their service been consistent, their customer service on a face to face level has become more human, despite it being all too easy to find yourself paying unnecessary surcharges.

So to the two Polish gentlemen, from deep in my heart, I thank you both for making my night.

It takes all sorts

A homogenous society doesn’t work for me

An article in today’s Irish Times about a couple from Kerala who have settled in Ireland touches on the difference between Integration and Assimilation and the importance of not losing one’s identity and culture.  Somehow this resonates with me, as even though I am not Irish, I am not ‘noticeably different’. Irrespective of how long I have been in Ireland (and it is a very long time now), what I find is I don’t quite feel truly Irish and am often regarded as a ‘blow-in’ and yet I am no longer really a ‘Londoner.’ Yet, ask me where I am from and the answer  of course is Dublin, for this is my home and I am an Irish citizen. I also am proud of my heritage which is an inherent part of who I am.

liquorice allsorts

Stories are how we learn and quite possibly the most interesting way to get to know people. Everyone has a different story and there’s nothing I love more than to learn about different cultures and traditions from people whose upbringing and background is totally different to mine.

But from experience I know it is easy to under-estimate the challenge of moving countries, having to integrate into a new community and settle into a new job, which is why this story has stayed with me.

There  is tremendous pressure on people when they first arrive to settle into a new country fast and to understand our culture almost telepathically it seems and yet, generally speaking (and I know one shouldn’t generalise however..), quite how anyone can be expected to read our minds baffles me  and I’m constantly reminded of how quickly we judge people by our own ‘filtering’ system.  We can be remarkably tolerant and yet intolerant almost in the same breath. Sometimes kind and often unintentionally unkind.  And yet, it’s clear to me how remarkably similar we all are. So what’s my point? Quite simply..

as human beings, deep down we all want to be liked, accepted and respected.  

For most of us, we just want to feel appreciated for who we are. Yes indeed, we live in a strange world and it does take all sorts.

 

‘the organisation as an emotional arena’ 

A breakfast event organised by Much More Than Words  –  18th January 2017.

 

 

 

Home

NO.

the most succinct sentence?

Like most people, I’m often asked to help out.  Requests for all sorts of things from speaking at an event to fostering a kitten.  Now we’re all short on time and it is human nature to want to help, the problem is lots of people don’t like to say NO and end up wasting other people’s time and disappointing them in the process.  I  know my inability to say no is a fundamental character weakness. Why? well that’s the story of a much longer blog post!  In the meantime, I’ll share a useful strategy which helps me deal with this gut reaction of saying YES! Rather than an immediate ‘yes’, I draw on variations of these three.

  1.  Let me check my diary
  2. I’d love to but it doesn’t work for me
  3. This time I can’t but please, do ask me again
freedom to choose

Source: Unknown

Why does this work for me?

Response no. 1: Gives me time to make check so when I do come back with a YES, I can be absolutely sure I do whatever it is really well, rather than just fitting this request in, so it’s a WIN/WIN

Response no. 2:  I don’t need to justify myself. No-one is really interested in why you can’t do something. This brevity of response saves time wasting – on both sides.

Response no. 3:   This reinforces that though I can’t oblige this time, I’ll have an opportunity to help again.  And people do come back when another need arises!

making more time for a coffee?

Click to discuss Personal and Corporate Assertiveness Training over coffee!

 

Why do I?

Go for it, that is. And believe me I do!  Why? quite simply because I can.  People ask how on earth I can swim in the ‘snot green sea’ as described by renowned Irish Novelist James Joyce.  For years I would watch others take the plunge and think them crazy.  Not so long ago, at a time of my life when many of my friends and peers were slowing down, I was starting out again, facing many challenging situations.  Some far tougher than I imagined possible.  At that time, I felt if I could get into the Irish sea, I could face just about everything! When now I dive into the water at the 40′ and submerge myself totally, I can honestly say there is nothing as energising.  All stress vanishes whilst my senses zing to life.  IMG_0371

If a day goes by when I don’t get to swim, somehow the day doesn’t feel quite right or have the same energy about it. Even in the winter. Lately, I have heard that in the US, people are paying exorbitant amounts of money to immerse themselves in freezing water.  Here in Ireland, we have it for free. And by contrast, we happily pay for bottled water!!

Like one of my swimming buddies here,I’d encourage you to just go. Push the Boundaries. Go for it. Now is the best time of the year to start!!!

If you are lucky, you may see Dolphins.  If you are very lucky, maybe porpoises breaking the water.  Cormorants. Seals. Wild geese.  Sunrises to make your heart soar.  And should you swim by the light of the moon at full tide, you’ll be very blessed.  Always swim with others. Be safe.  Enjoy what nature gives and we have here in abundance.

 

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Today I met a Firefighter

At full tide down at the 40′, you never know who you’ll get into conversation with.  I’m there, we’re chatting about the pull of the tide and the next thing, whilst we’re maintaining strict eye level contact as we discreetly peel off our wet togs and get dressed, I’m chatting to one of the nicest guys I’ve met for a long time.  Stephen O’Reilly.  Firefighter.  Instantly I like him.  Firefighters have to be good people and you know instantly when you meet someone if this is someone you want to chat with, or politely disengage!   The 40′ attracts a very correct crowd of people, in case you are wondering.

A Quick Dip in the Irish Sea by Heather McKay

A Quick Dip in the Irish Sea by Heather McKay

Now don’t misunderstand me, this post is not about attraction in that sense of the word, it’s about social dynamics.  Stephen is so enthusiastic about what he does in addition to his job as a firefighter, I find the more he talks, the more I want to hear. Anyhow, the conversation flows easily and he asks what I do, WORDS,  I say, well it’s much more than words – it’s about how we use them. It’s about who you are. Now we’re flying and I get to find out so much more about what drives Stephen and now I understand why he drives across the city to dive into the sea and make the most of one of our most wonderful natural resources.   Check out grown.ie. It’s a cool company, who stand by their ethics. I love the clarity of their brand ‘messaging’ and yes, Stephen is a great brand ambassador. The point of all this?  Life is one big conversation and I just love it.

 

 

it just feels right

The more I work with people whose first language is not English, the more I feel what I’m doing has a real value and the more I have to learn!

Our last workshop brought together an amazing group of people. From Syria, Poland, Korea, Spain, Italy, Venezuela and China. They arrived as strangers and left having shared their experiences, their learning, acquired new skills and as importantly, the confidence to use those skills even more.  It made me remember how difficult it was to live in another country and have to learn how to be yourself again through another language. It made me see again how all the skill in the world is worth nothing without the confidence to communicate well and use your skills effectively.

Being able to express yourself in normal every day situations enables you to be who you are. To contribute. To engage. To LIVE a fuller life.

Feeling their frustration, their impatience and seeing their desire to learn to achieve this is what fuels my need to help.  The urgency that I sense in people who have held responsible, senior positions in their own country having to do jobs, which yes, they may, just may enjoy but are well below their capabilities is palpable. As a country, as a ‘people’, as human beings we must do more.  After all, were not the Irish amongst the earlier travellers to settle in different parts of this world?

“Everything we’ve ever done and all we’re meant to do comes together in harmony with who we are. When that happens, we feel the truest expressions of ourselves.”

Have that cup of coffee with someone in your company, in your social circle who you don’t know, listen to their story.  making more time for a coffee?There is always something you can do to make them more welcome and feel at home, so maybe, they, like me, when asked that all important question “where
are you from”, they, like me can say with real warmth and a smile say “from Dublin”.  Then the conversation really begins…

Click to talk to arrange a time to talk to me