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Three Little Words

Three Little Words

Today was one such dayi-am-sorry

When all it would have taken was three little words.

Just three.

Not those words

Rather the ones that build bridges.

Powerful enough to dilute and dissolve

almost every situation.

It doesn’t take much.

But people don’t

Or won’t

Or can’t admit

They are wrong.

 

It costs nothing.

And it works.

Why not apologise?

I don’t get it.

How three words

I AM SORRY

Are so hard

 

The Truth rankles

It doesn’t let us off the hook.

It shows our failings.

Temporarily we lose our crowns

Truth makes us uneasy

And yet.

Those three little words.

I AM SORRY.

Can say so much.

 

Blowing Hot and Cold

So the weather has caught most of Ireland on the hop. More accurately, caused much absenteeism. Colds, flu, all manner of infections going around. It seems much of Ireland’s workforce are battling against some unidentified force. Ahh, is it Januaryitis perhaps? or should we take a more practical view and say with a ‘see-saw’ of such changeable weather, we mere mortals are developing low resistance to cope with the dilemma of what to wear, what to eat, how to look after ourselves to build up our own immune systems? Surely, with all we have available to support ourselves, have we just lost the ability to use our common sense?!  Now I’m not proposing we all dash into the Irish Sea with such a cold wind chill, but maybe just getting out there helps clear the head, focus the mind.IMG_0371The more serious health issues, granted we cannot always avoid as life as we know is pretty much a lottery, but colds, coughs, come on….Joking aside. It’s the time of year to make sure we get outside. Take in the brightness of the blue skies on days they dazzle. That dose of Vitamin D is liquid gold. Off out now..maybe not with my togs today…!

Emotions, Logic & Breakfast

Strangely I’m stumbling over so many of my own emotions at the moment. After 9 nights, five different abodes my emotions are heightened beyond belief.

Is this an ‘age’ thing? Is it that the planets have been seemingly in disarray of late? Is it simply that with the start of a new year, one during which I feel instinctively many good things will finally eventuate I know what is really driving me?

the rosie project

‘The Rosie Project‘ leapt out of the latest pile of books I quietly brought home from one my local charity shops.  It is an easy read, enlightening, simultaneously funny and yet poignant.  In my mind, it is a brilliant book. I have devoured it.  Laughed out loud on many occasions.  Been touched by the underlying humanity of it.  Gained insights into the mindset of Aspergers. I’ve related to thoughts expressed in it, recognized my own idiosyncratic ways in the emotions the characters express.  It is a book I’d highly recommend. Emotions drive us.  More specifically, they drive me.  When I stop and consciously ignore my emotions, that’s when I make poor, even bad decisions. This book reminded me just how important they are. Graeme Simsion thank you!

Emotions have their own logic

 

Perhaps my favourite line in the book.

 

Talking of emotions in the workplace

join me and the good Dr. Clancy

for breakfast 

January 2017 Event Logo

Dublin: 18th January 2016 

 

places limited. booking advisable.

Venue: Bank of Ireland Enterprise Lounge

Montrose, Dublin.

A Much More Than Words Breakfast Event

 

 

Listen – Silent

 

This blog post by Dr. Annette Clancy, our keynote speaker for Much More than Words breakfast event on January 18th caught my eye..

.. Many words will be written on the wind and the sand, or end up in some obscure digital vault. But the storytelling will go on until the last human being stops listening. Then we can send the great chronicle of humanity out into the endless universe.

Who knows? Maybe someone is out there, willing to listen … extract from Dr. Annette Clancy’s blog

Is it really a coincidence that both words in this blog post headline contain the same letters? I think not !

click here for details and to book your place

the organisation as an ’emotional arena’

January 2017 Event Logo

 

Click to contact the Organiser – Janie Lazar

One night, two Poles

Conversations can start up just about anywhere and no better place than at airports.  Recently before flying back from London, as I was having coffee I found myself chatting with a lovely Polish firefighter from Kent on his way home for the New Year. He’d lived in the UK for some 12 years plus and after the topical chit-chat around what Brexit would mean for him, I asked him about his work. The conversation moved on to whilst most of the work was straightforward dealing with relatively minor events, the more dangerous and tragic the incidents he and his crew dealt with, the greater the emotional impact.  I sensed that as with most types of trauma, there is a sense of loss, futility and disappointment which builds up and felt immensely sad that these feelings lingered long afterwards and wondered how these brave firefighters dealt with their emotions. Inevitably and true to stereotype, most men he said, would bottle up their feelings and inevitably something quite trivial would act as a catalyst and ‘boom’ the built up feelings would explode, out of context and often out of control.  Never dealt with.  I felt fortunate to talk with this man, to have had the opportunity of going behind the capable, brave masks people like him have to wear day after day in providing such an invaluable public service. Before we parted company, we went on to talk about the excitement of being with family and friends to celebrate the coming New Year and all that is joyous in life too. A few coffees later as I left for my flight, my resolve to raise awareness of the need to deal with emotions in the workplace was ever stronger. Most certainly, we need to keep pushing this issue to the fore-front, rather than ‘under the carpet’ as it is indeed a bigger conversation, one Much More Than Words will be highlighting in a couple of weeks time and we’d like you to be part of.

Click for details of our January 18th Dublin event, featuring Dr. Annette Clancy as she shares invaluable insights talking on  The organisation as ‘an emotional arena’

The second conversation was a brief one with the Ryanair flight attendant, who provided endless entertainment to weary and extremely unresponsive passengers.  He looked Irish, had a real ‘country’ accent, was both funny and fluent.  Yet something in his accent told me otherwise.  Another Pole !  A Polish man with a big heart, resilient and sense of humour. Welcome and Safe Journey home.  How are you, I asked. With the biggest warmest smile ‘Living the Dream, living the dream’. He made me laugh as we talked, another side of the human roller-coaster of emotions.  Ryanair often get slagged for all sorts of things, but I have to say, not only has their service been consistent, their customer service on a face to face level has become more human, despite it being all too easy to find yourself paying unnecessary surcharges.

So to the two Polish gentlemen, from deep in my heart, I thank you both for making my night.

It takes all sorts

A homogenous society doesn’t work for me

An article in today’s Irish Times about a couple from Kerala who have settled in Ireland touches on the difference between Integration and Assimilation and the importance of not losing one’s identity and culture.  Somehow this resonates with me, as even though I am not Irish, I am not ‘noticeably different’. Irrespective of how long I have been in Ireland (and it is a very long time now), what I find is I don’t quite feel truly Irish and am often regarded as a ‘blow-in’ and yet I am no longer really a ‘Londoner.’ Yet, ask me where I am from and the answer  of course is Dublin, for this is my home and I am an Irish citizen. I also am proud of my heritage which is an inherent part of who I am.

liquorice allsorts

Stories are how we learn and quite possibly the most interesting way to get to know people. Everyone has a different story and there’s nothing I love more than to learn about different cultures and traditions from people whose upbringing and background is totally different to mine.

But from experience I know it is easy to under-estimate the challenge of moving countries, having to integrate into a new community and settle into a new job, which is why this story has stayed with me.

There  is tremendous pressure on people when they first arrive to settle into a new country fast and to understand our culture almost telepathically it seems and yet, generally speaking (and I know one shouldn’t generalise however..), quite how anyone can be expected to read our minds baffles me  and I’m constantly reminded of how quickly we judge people by our own ‘filtering’ system.  We can be remarkably tolerant and yet intolerant almost in the same breath. Sometimes kind and often unintentionally unkind.  And yet, it’s clear to me how remarkably similar we all are. So what’s my point? Quite simply..

as human beings, deep down we all want to be liked, accepted and respected.  

For most of us, we just want to feel appreciated for who we are. Yes indeed, we live in a strange world and it does take all sorts.

 

‘the organisation as an emotional arena’ 

A breakfast event organised by Much More Than Words  –  18th January 2017.

 

 

 

Home

too fast?

Be courageous enough to pause and give your audience time to think. That means slowing down your points of wisdom to the point that people can hear a penny drop. 

-Ron Arden

I just can’t help it. My nerves get the better of me and my mouth just runs away with me.

Well, I am sorry, you can.   

In training people often tell me how worried they are about getting all of their information out in the time they have to present, they felt they just want to get it over with, want to give as much information as they think they can jam in.  The result is they just rush, rush, rush and the presentation comes out almost as a stream of unstructured information. Just think about what this means.  The message a poor presenter who rushes through their slide show or talk says quite clearly:-

a) I have not prepared my work well enough to deliver the salient points succinctly

b) I don’t care if people cannot understand what I’m talking about because I’m talking too fast

c) I do not respect my audience sufficiently to give this presentation the way it should be

And the final message he/she is indirectly giving out is  ‘I do not believe that my reputation or that of the organisation I represent is worth upholding.’  OUCH.

Pretty shocking really, isn’t it?

 

Now, let’s re-write this scenario and imagine a situation where a presentation has been worked on and you conclude your presentation and receive a great heartfelt round of applause – and know you deserve it.  That is such a great feeling and you can achieve such an outcome when you’ve prepared with the audience in mind. Try using this to guide you:-

First Hot Three Tips – For a Successful Presentation 

I’ve given these in ‘3’s’, as this seems to be easier to remember.

Before anything, consider what the objective of your presentation is and ask yourself why you have been asked to deliver it. Then consider your audience, be it of one or to many people.

  1. Who am I presenting to?
  2. What time has been allocated?
  3. What is the most relevant information can I give in the time available 
What you are doing here is 'starting with the end in mind'

 

Next Steps

Now you know your audience, time and key information for your content, you need to think about:-

  1. The key message
  2. The structure and delivery –  to make it both interesting and appropriate, making sure you have an opening to get people’s attention, enough substance to hold their interest and a strong closing which reminds the audience why you were the right person for this occasion.
  3. The audience ‘take-away’, focusing on 3 key points  –  ‘sound-bites’ or ‘nuggets’ you want your audience to remember
Try mind-mapping to give you an outline - what I call 'the presentation framework'

 

Now for the Hard Work

  1. The CREATION, writing, editing, souring of images
  2. Continual EDITING ensuring your pitch, pace and strategic use of pauses all add, never distract and only what is useful remains. You may use story telling, or another delivery style to weave together your content to make your presentation flow
  3. Rehearsal, PRACTICE, time and time again.  Refining more and more each time.

 

this is the magic of 'how' you bring it together to make your presentation flow

 

It sounds so easy. And it is .. incredibly easy to get it wrong.  It is all about common sense.

When you don’t allow for the PAUSES, you are not giving your audience time to think, time to process the valuable information you have prepared.  When you talk too much and ad-lib, you are likely to move away from your key message and run overtime, disrespecting your hosts and if other speakers are following your speaker slot, your overrun may literally ‘steal’ their time, as they are obliged to keep to the overall schedule and cut their speech or presentation short.  It will nearly always take longer to deliver than you think, so be stringent in your editing. LESS IS MORE.  More memorable, more digestible, more enjoyable. For your audience and for you.  The more experienced you become, the more competent you will be and the more effectively you will be able to move ‘off script’ but as a new presenter, it is best to follow guidelines.

 

If you’d like to work with me on a one to one basis, or are interested in group training for your organisation, click to contact me directly or phone me on 086 8572005.

 

 

 

 

Retrospect, Introspect and Perspective

Whilst there’s a lot of good talk these days about self reflection and evaluation, I can’t help but wonder if we were to get to know ourselves better and sought to understand what makes other people tick, life could and would be so much easier. With the benefit of R.I.P., this is my ‘take’ on Retrospect, Introspect and Perspective, a vital stage I believe in letting go and moving on to make sense of what should be a simple process!

Of course it can be hard work.  Good things take time and great things even longer. One of my sisters says I think too much and perhaps she is right.  Personally, I see it not so much as ‘thinking’, more a case of ‘processing’. Never reflecting denies me the opportunity to do things better. I’ve learnt to love having the opportunity to look at things from a different perspective, to try to understand how things look from someone else’s standpoint – especially if there’s been an unresolved issue and let’s be honest here, we all have a few of those.  When I look at what’s happened, how I handled something, I wouldn’t say I am brooding or being over analytical, just as objective as I can be about what actually happened. IMG_0355According to Myers-Briggs, I am an ENFP, at this stage of my life I am it seems, falling true to type, that is to say enjoying more time to myself, quiet time. So is this being introspective?  If I can do this effectively, I’d say it is more about being able to competently and more confidently share experiences, my experience with the benefit of hindsight, perspective and the benefit of learning.
As with all forms of personality profiling, if we were to ‘boost’our social/interpersonal skills, be more curious about other people rather than chasing the clock, giving a focus on what really matters, then perhaps, just perhaps, we’d all have a better perspective on life.

But there again,I guess  it depends on what you expect to see at the end of your rainbow!

to find out more about yourself, google away…  here’s one I found

https://www.16personalities.com/enfp-personality

 

NO.

the most succinct sentence?

Like most people, I’m often asked to help out.  Requests for all sorts of things from speaking at an event to fostering a kitten.  Now we’re all short on time and it is human nature to want to help, the problem is lots of people don’t like to say NO and end up wasting other people’s time and disappointing them in the process.  I  know my inability to say no is a fundamental character weakness. Why? well that’s the story of a much longer blog post!  In the meantime, I’ll share a useful strategy which helps me deal with this gut reaction of saying YES! Rather than an immediate ‘yes’, I draw on variations of these three.

  1.  Let me check my diary
  2. I’d love to but it doesn’t work for me
  3. This time I can’t but please, do ask me again
freedom to choose

Source: Unknown

Why does this work for me?

Response no. 1: Gives me time to make check so when I do come back with a YES, I can be absolutely sure I do whatever it is really well, rather than just fitting this request in, so it’s a WIN/WIN

Response no. 2:  I don’t need to justify myself. No-one is really interested in why you can’t do something. This brevity of response saves time wasting – on both sides.

Response no. 3:   This reinforces that though I can’t oblige this time, I’ll have an opportunity to help again.  And people do come back when another need arises!

making more time for a coffee?

Click to discuss Personal and Corporate Assertiveness Training over coffee!

 

Why do I?

Go for it, that is. And believe me I do!  Why? quite simply because I can.  People ask how on earth I can swim in the ‘snot green sea’ as described by renowned Irish Novelist James Joyce.  For years I would watch others take the plunge and think them crazy.  Not so long ago, at a time of my life when many of my friends and peers were slowing down, I was starting out again, facing many challenging situations.  Some far tougher than I imagined possible.  At that time, I felt if I could get into the Irish sea, I could face just about everything! When now I dive into the water at the 40′ and submerge myself totally, I can honestly say there is nothing as energising.  All stress vanishes whilst my senses zing to life.  IMG_0371

If a day goes by when I don’t get to swim, somehow the day doesn’t feel quite right or have the same energy about it. Even in the winter. Lately, I have heard that in the US, people are paying exorbitant amounts of money to immerse themselves in freezing water.  Here in Ireland, we have it for free. And by contrast, we happily pay for bottled water!!

Like one of my swimming buddies here,I’d encourage you to just go. Push the Boundaries. Go for it. Now is the best time of the year to start!!!

If you are lucky, you may see Dolphins.  If you are very lucky, maybe porpoises breaking the water.  Cormorants. Seals. Wild geese.  Sunrises to make your heart soar.  And should you swim by the light of the moon at full tide, you’ll be very blessed.  Always swim with others. Be safe.  Enjoy what nature gives and we have here in abundance.

 

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