Category Archives: fear

Three Little Words

Three Little Words

Today was one such dayi-am-sorry

When all it would have taken was three little words.

Just three.

Not those words

Rather the ones that build bridges.

Powerful enough to dilute and dissolve

almost every situation.

It doesn’t take much.

But people don’t

Or won’t

Or can’t admit

They are wrong.

 

It costs nothing.

And it works.

Why not apologise?

I don’t get it.

How three words

I AM SORRY

Are so hard

 

The Truth rankles

It doesn’t let us off the hook.

It shows our failings.

Temporarily we lose our crowns

Truth makes us uneasy

And yet.

Those three little words.

I AM SORRY.

Can say so much.

 

Emotions Shape Us –

Human Emotions shape us. They shape us professionally and personally. They also have a stronger influence on our overall performance and satisfaction with life than we care to realize.

In talking with participants of a Much More Than Words workshop we ran back in the Autumn, I was reminded of how strongly I too felt when working overseas about ‘not being who I thought I was’. What I mean by that is that in another country and not being as able to express myself as well as I might in my own language, I somehow felt ‘less’ and undoubtdly lost out, as did the company in different ways.  psst

It was if I had lost part of my identity because I had mentally defined myself by what I did, rather than who I was. I felt as if someone was going to tap me on the shoulder and whisper ‘Psst… what are you doing here’ and that I was an imposter somehow because by the time I opened my mouth to say something, to contribute in team meetings, all too often the conversations moved on before I had a chance.The problem was not that I lacked the ability to speak in French,  but I lacked the confidence to just say what I meant and not worry about speaking perfectly.  I believe it was this lack of confidence in my early working life that led to emotions getting the better of me and working in the world of advertising, I needed to brave up fast, which I did but paid the price, a story or two for another day.

Lack of Confidence can mean missing out 

But I learnt plenty from those early years.  That our experiences and emotions do indeed shape us and as my career progressed, I had a responsibility to those who worked in my teams to make sure how I handled situations didn’t have a detrimental impact like some of my earlier experiences had on me. Whether you are working and speaking in your own language or another, self confidence is key to performance.

January 2017 Event Logo

The first Dublin breakfast event for 2017 – Contact Janie on 087 8572005 or click on image to book your place.

Had I been a stronger, more resilient person and not so self conscious perhaps my ‘strangeness’, my identity as the girl from London could have been used to my advantage, as ‘a wild card’ and I would have played it stronger. But my emotions won and got the better of me.

In the workplace, how we see ourselves and others see us impact hugely on our ability to perform.  How we are treated by our peers and those who lead the organisations we find ourselves in impact in ways previously considered less important perhaps than they are today.

The Organisation as an ‘Emotional Arena’

Dr. Annette Clancy from the Quinn School of Business in UCD  will be sharing invaluable insights on the 18th January, at the first of our Breakfast Events for 2017 to be held at the Bank of Ireland Enterprise Centre, Montrose, Dublin.  If you’re involved in HR or a leadership role and can make it, I feel sure this will be time well spent. If you’d like to know more, you can call me directly on 086 8572005.

simply click here to book your place. 

Places limited. Booking advisable.

 

Constructive Conflict

I found this TED Talk via Dr. Annette Clancy’s blog where she writes ‘most of the time we like to surround ourselves with people ‘like  us’ thereby minimising difference in an attempt to avoid conflict.  It takes a degree of self confidence and assurance to be able to sit in the middle of this kind of disagreement and to think constructively about it.’  For me, confidence underpins everything we do. It gives us the ability to work well, work collaboratively and to speak out, to challenge, to lead to greater things.  The workplace is perhaps the most emotionally charged environment of all.  Let the conversations begin.

Dr. Clancy is speaking at our first breakfast event of this year in Dublin, on the 18th January.  Click here for details and to book your place.

When words don’t come fast enough

Years ago when I was a fairly competent French speaker living and working in Paris, I loved the life I had. The only thing was that no matter how well I spoke the language, I often found that conversation progressed so fast that by the time I’d begun to speak, the moment was lost.  You may have experienced this too. Frustrated and disappointed often, I eventually lost confidence in my ability to contribute as effectively as I wanted to. I feel my employers lost out, I did and probably my clients at the time too – I hasten to add there were no complaints !!

CATCH 22

I didn’t want to draw attention to the fact I needed help. My employers assumed that everything was ok because once I was ensconced I managed to get my work done efficiently. No-one asked or guessed anything was wrong at all. I never voiced my concerns. But with the benefit of hindsight, what a lost opportunity for both parties.  I never realized my potential within the organisation and my value to the company was not maximized.  Had I received more than basic induction training, which really revolved around product only I probably would have still been living in France.  Ah. C’est la vie…

Training needs are hopefully better identified these days, but I’m not entirely convinced. Technology is making so many every day tasks faster and in many instances being automated, thereby reducing the need or opportunity for human intervention. And yes, never has the need for human connection been greater. 

IS THERE SOMETHING MORE ABOUT THE 80/20 RULE WE SHOULD BE LOOKING AT?

If more than 80% of our satisfaction in life comes from our relationships with others, the need to connect and communicate effectively and especially in a business environment  appropriately, boosting core communication skills and language competency where it is most needed has to be an integral part of a continual program of professional development.

I’ve been that executive working overseas, involved in client meetings, team meetings, training sessions. More recently, in Italy where people have been amazingly receptive to any efforts I make, once the conversation gets going, that sinking feeling returns as I cannot keep up enough to join in the conversation and I can feel my stress levels rising as I struggle to make sure I’ve understood the salient points of a meeting.

Emotions play havoc with our minds.  This we know. What we don’t fully appreciate is quite how this triggers unhelpful patterns of behavior, what employers can do to help and how we can help ourselves more.

It’s not rocket science and particularly as in Ireland the workplace is becoming more culturally diverse, we need to be more aware that many international employees are often doing jobs because of their native language and sometimes multilingual abilities  which is great for the clients they service. It may leave a gap where their Confidence and Competence (two words which in themselves can sound remarkably similar when mispronounced by a non native English Speaker!) in using English effectively may be slowing down the rate at which they integrate and contribute within their teams and the company overall. The greater the levels of engagement, the greater the performance.

Many people I work with whose first language is English lack confidence, fear public speaking and hate making presentations so it is easy to understand the difficulties facing non native English Speakers. I know. I’ve been there. And yes, lack of confidence, disappointment can play havoc with one’s emotions !

Much More Than Words specializes in working with International Executives boosting language competency through the provision of Professional and Personal Development.

‘the organisation as an emotional arena’  

18 January 2017 –  7.45 – 9.30 am

Be part of this conversation with Dr. Annette Clancy, Assistant Professor of Organisational Behaviour at UCD College of Business as she shares invaluable insights at our first Breakfast Meeting of 2017 for HR Specialists.

 MUCH MORE THAN WORDS

proud to be hosted by the Bank of Ireland

at the new Enterprise Lounge at UCD, Montrose

Contact Janie: 086 857 2005 

booking advisable

Glutes ! When did I fall apart?

Today’s post is short.  The focus Glutes. Specifically mine. The solution is fear and I want you on this journey with me. Not laughing at me, just maybe with me.  And feeling my pain or at the very least feeling for me as the pain gets to me!

Now I don’t know about you but the thought of the gym fills me with terror.  As does diving into dark water down at the 40′ now the water temperature has become dangerously low for softies like me.

A Quick Dip in the Irish Sea by Heather McKay

A Quick Dip in the Irish Sea by Heather McKay

Which brings me back to the topic of glutes.  It’s easy to admire fine glutes in a fellow hill walker.  It’s easy to say get out walking more, climb those hills, go up and down those steps and you’ll soon build up. But it’s the time of year when I just want to stay close to the wood burning stove and just, well chill in that way, rather than in freezing water or on the top of some hill.  Yep. It’s all about ‘hugge’ right now when we’re tired, it’s dark outside and coming up to that time of year when we just want to relax a while. What’s all this got to do with Glutes, you may well ask and I hope in time, all will become clear and you’ll just humour me.

Joking aside, back to the issue of Glutes.  I have it seems a few things to contend with right now and I’m not a person to be sick or unwell, rather one who just gets on with it.  But, it has made me think or rather rethink about mindset yet again and know that for 2017, all of my work will have mental toughness as a key ingredient.

Fear stops us doing most things and it is my intention, not a resolution, but serious intention to focus on the fear and use it as my strength. So I am curious, what’s your weakspot?  What’s the one thing you need to do and go to any lengths to put off? Where do you falter? email and tell me all

Look out Glutes, no mercy this time around…